One Less Bridesmaid
I consider myself to be a “low maintenance” friend. I don’t need to speak to you every day; as long as I know you’re okay, I’m good. This isn’t because I don’t care or I don’t want to talk, to be very honest, I’m lonely a lot of the time. I just don’t have a lot to say. And when I do, I’m in the habit of sending what one of my best friends calls “audiobooks”. Long ass voice notes. I call them life updates and random thoughts that I want to speak about. And I understand how this might be tough to accept when you are the opposite but I’m working on finding a balance between reaching out constantly and sending my audiobooks once in a while.
However, I pride myself on being a friend that will ALWAYS come through for you. Even when it is above my capacity, I try my very very best. I’m not in any way perfect and I’m still trying to figure out a lot of things but I’m always open to dialogue and learning ways to be a better friend. And like any other person, I have needs; requirements if you may, from my friends. It’s so simple; I just need to know they care.
What irks me and what has led to this rant of an article is the over dramatisation of the end/breakdown of friendships. I’m an adult and a lot of the people I surround myself with are adults as well. You can imagine how irritating it is to be seeing Subliminals thrown at you every other day because you expected a friend to care about you and treat you like someone they supposedly loved. It is perfectly okay for friendships and relationships to not work out. It’s painful, annoying and sincerely heartbreaking but IT IS OKAY. People change, their needs evolve and certain expectations just can’t be met. It sucks but it’s life. There’s absolutely no need to paint a picture where everyone is the villain and you are the ultimate victim.
I’ve spent the last couple of weeks grieving the breakdown of a friendship I thought was going to last forever and apparently, this person is more at peace without me in their life. It was a hard fact to reconcile with, but I’m finally there. I’ve finally accepted it. Some people are meant to be experienced at certain points in your life and I’m grateful to have experienced what felt like a great sisterhood. Moving forward, I know not to expect much from anyone; just because I’d do something a certain way doesn’t mean everyone else should too.
So my word of advice: be that friend you want others to be for you and understand that there’s a huge chance they won’t. Don’t settle though; everyone deserves to be loved in the way they want. More importantly, recognise your faults and apologise when you hurt the people you love. Being selfish is nice and all but one day, when you’ve alienated everyone, it wouldn’t be worth it.
-B
